


Fake Happy

by trujellyfish



Category: Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Light Angst, but i feel like he would be pretty starry eyed about cap, even after the civil war debacle, i dont know a lot about the comics, i think, kinda heavy topic but im not too in depth about it, let them bond okay, yuh i've got some emotions about peter and steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 12:09:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17724923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trujellyfish/pseuds/trujellyfish
Summary: Peter Parker was a happy young man! He had wide brown eyes, and a big toothy smile. He made lots of jokes and loved to make people laugh. Every now and again though, the smile would slip, and people could see the truth.cross posted on ff.net





	Fake Happy

"Are you okay?"

People were always asking Peter if he was okay. Like any other teenager, he always insisted that he was fine. Just fine. He had his best friend Ned, the warm and comforting love of Aunt May, and Tony Stark as a mentor! He was cheerful; cracking jokes to the criminals he apprehended, always working on new ways to upgrade his web fluid (1000% more exciting since he was given access to Mr. Stark's lab), not letting small mistakes wear him down too much, and definitely the originator of some pretty good memes. He smiled with his teeth; big, honest, full of hope. So when it came to people asking if he was okay, he didn't hesitate.

Why wouldn't he be?

He never even thought about it - until Captain America asked, a gentle hand on his shoulder.

For once, Peter hesitated on the instinct to insist that he was fine, really thinking about it for the first time.

Why wouldn't he be okay?

Sure, his parents died when he was a kid, but he barely remembered them, so how could that affect him now, at 15 years old? After all, Aunt May and Uncle Ben were amazing guardians. They were basically his parents at this point, although calling them Mom and Dad never felt right. Even still, with them he felt warm and safe, as a home should. They provided and cared for him, and showed him the wonders of New York City. Sometimes he missed his parents; the slight ache of knowing that he would never run home to tell his mom about the 98% he got on his math test. That it would never be his dad ruffling his hair and telling him "Nice job, sport." Aunt May and Uncle Ben were great, but they weren't Mom and Dad.

But that was fine, he assured himself. He loved them all the same, so why wouldn't that be okay?

That was his constant - until Uncle Ben was murdered right in front of him. His warm and safe home shattered and darkened. Peter spent months tracking down the person who had done it, until the criminals all looked the same and he could barely remember what the killer even looked like. He blamed it on the lack of sleep. He knew Aunt May wasn't sleeping either, but he had to do something. He was doing this for her too; he was getting them closure. Things changed when he first saved a life. The gratitude and pure relief that flooded people's faces when they realized that their loved ones were safe, or that they themselves were safe filled Peter with so much emotion. Pride, joy... envy? He wished that he could have had that moment. 

That Uncle Ben would hold him, safe and sound.

He pushed it aside, focusing on the happiness. He was helping people, and that made it all okay. Didn't it?

He became Spider-Man then. Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man. Saving cats in trees, stopping muggings, giving directions. He even met Tony Stark! Got the chance to fight alongside him! Of course, the fight left him with some seriously bruised ribs, but it was still cool. He wanted to know more about the dude with the metal arm, and the guy who could grow and shrink. He wanted more fights with the Avengers; preferably with them all on the same team. But coming home, his life settled back into the Friendly Neighbourhood action. It was dull, but the light was creeping back into his and Aunt May's lives again.

So again, everything was okay.

Until Vulture came out of nowhere with some seriously destructive weapons made from alien tech and dropped a building on him. Peter had never been so scared in his life, or in more danger. Even at the airport, he knew that Iron Man was there, a safety net of sorts. Pinned under rebar in New York, he had wished he could just curl up and cry, but there was a ton of rubble on him and no one was coming to help. So he literally raised the roof, and immediately put himself in the middle of a plane crash and the Vultures wings exploding. If he hadn't been Spider-Man (suit or no suit), he definitely would have died on three (3) separate occasions that night.

He saved a lot of people though, and even if he died doing it, that would be okay.

Or so he kept telling himself.

Looking up into Captain America's imploring blue eyes, Peter wasn't so sure anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> so... yeah... drop a comment if you want
> 
> it's kind of a free verse i guess. I was thinking about how i only see like two modes the fandom has for MCU peter: Super Depressed, or Pure and Untouchable. so this is just kinda me analyzing why peter is not okay, but how he gets through the day
> 
> there might be a second chapter (a steve pov, a lil more dialogue, who knows...), so subscribe if u wanna see that but don't hold your breath for it ;^)


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